Struggling

This last week and a half or so has been very difficult. My pain levels in my upper mid back have spiked nearly uncontrollably and I can barely tolerate the pain. My pain pills max at 4 a day and the start to make me sick if I'm taking them every 6 hours. So I'm taking my anti-nausea pills too which makes me loopy. I can't for the life of me figure out what is going on. My suspicion is that there is more progression of my disease in my back and either it is fusing or the vertebrae are squaring off in order to fuse. All I know is that I'm about ready for some heavier duty pain pills than I have right now. The Percoset 10's just aren't cutting it, which is sad in and of itself.

I'm struggling emotionally too. It always seems that when the physical aspect of me takes a turn for the worse, that the emotional isn't too far behind. It's just hard to keep a smile on your face when all you want to do is cry or are walking around like a freaking zombie. I'm pretty sure I need some therapy, but it's just one more thing to remind me of how fucked up my life is and I just barely turned 30 a week and a half ago.

Anyway, short and sweet - but that's all you get when I'm all but passing out.