I have 2 blogs, this the public one - which I hardly ever post and a private one that I really vent issues out. Most of the items in that blog need not be public information for various reasons. Mainly, it's my way to vent to the universe and kiss the bad feelings goodbye. I don't need the bad feelings typed out in a moment of rage to come back and let karma kick my ass!
I don't want to necessarily make my blog about me being sick, but I am. It takes over my life or threatens to take over my life all the time. It makes every relationship I have incredibly difficult. It's hard to be a wife, mother or friend when you just want to curl up and die. Being sick has afforded me a courtesy to really take a lot on the inside of a lot of things. When you're at home all the time with your thoughts, it's hard not to. No amount of Real Housewives or Kardashian drama can drown it out. By the way, why are those shows so incredibly addicting? I believe Bravo is my favorite TV channel.
I have a private blog I keep that I use to work out problems I'm having and I'll post some of the blogs to this one as they may just show my softer side. I've gotten addicted to playing peek-a-boo on people's lives by reading their blogs and finally decided that it's only fair that I start posting my own so they can play peek-a-boo too.
Yesterday, I played with some puppies. They are Malinois puppies. Those things are freaking phriana's with four legs and fur! My right arm is all bit and scratched up and bruised. Well, the bruising it's hard - you can look at my sideways and I bruise THANKS METHOTREXATE! I am fostering one of those 6 puppies here soon for a few months. I get to make sure it's nice and socialized and won't want to well, tear up someone else's arm later on. Sometimes I wonder about my sanity with these decisions. I was crouching down with them yesterday (which was a STUPID move) all six of them went into a feeding frenzy, one of the razor teethed fools decided to munch on the top of my right foot too.. Anyway, back to the point - crouching is definitely not on the list of activities I should be doing for anything length of time, if at all. I'm paying for it today. Not only does my arm hurt but I can barely sit down or walk. I've been popping percoset today, so my consciousness is a bit foggy to boot. The husband has had to work a swing shift today which makes me the adult in charge of the two kids that live here, one his the other mine. Luckily, they are used to me not feeling well.
On days like today when I'm mostly bed ridden, it starts to make me think. I think about how isolated I feel. Due to all the medication I take and the fact that this Fibromyalgia bullshit gives me lapses in awareness we've decided that I shouldn't drive. So I don't work, lost all but one of my friends, don't feel well enough to get out of the house most days..it's no wonder I feel isolated. I look forward to the days I can convince my husband to take me to lunch or breakfast on his days off, I get out of the house and I get to eat! But the price I pay for it is I look sick all the time. The pain gets worn on my face, I'm always pale and I always have dark circles under my eyes. I get the pity looks, I hate the pity looks. This may be a good time to mention, I'm not really a people person. I get along better with dogs.
Speaking of, I have a German Shepard. Her and I are best friends. She was given to me just this past Christmas and we are pretty inseparable. She is constantly at my side, napping with me, laying on the floor next to me, in the kitchen as I'm cooking. Most people would be annoyed with this, but I love it. It's incredibly nice to feel her constant love and affection. She heels to my right side in the house at all times, and her and I are working on her heeling on our walks. She doesn't do bad, but since she is on the bigger side and can be considered a "bad breed" I want to make sure people see she is under the influence of a good pack leader! By the way, there is not such thing as bad breeds, there are just irresponsible dog owners.
This is all over the place and I will close for now. I am going to pull some of my private blogs postings over this blog as the items in them need not to be necessarily private - but I've decided not to cultivate a public blog, until now.
Wow. When I think about someone being sick, I think about feeling bad all the time. But I forget about the loss of freedom in driving and going out and stuff. That sounds rough. Although it's really cold out there right now, so you're probably better off in bed. ;)
ReplyDeletehehe..I live in Sunny Southern AZ, which at least allows me to walk around the block a few times a week with my dog without worrying about frigid air.
ReplyDeleteIt can be rough being stuck inside all day, but it really is a bright spot in my day to read other people's blogs. For some reason, it helps to know that the world moves on anyway...LOL